Today in my college's library, a young man was raving about a girl he brought home to his parents to a friend of his. I was sitting next to them, and even with headphones in heard every word. He was almost speechless with how amazing she was, saying with admiration that she respected herself and respected her body so much. It was so sweet. I hope one day a boy talks about me like that.
Sometimes, I miss the feeling of having a crush. I do.
I miss the feeling lit up by simply watching someone walk through the door, or better yet, having them hold it and feeling them watch me walk through.
I miss the wondering. Will they? Won't they? What does it mean? The wondering always ruined me.
I miss how such tiny little gestures and conversations could give me such a high.
I miss picturing what I would like next to them...what he would wear to go see the Nutcracker with me and whether or not I could wear heels and still not be taller than him.
I miss discovering new things about them. Like finding out that he used to play french horn in high school, or that they despise artichokes with a passion. Which would be good because then I could eat them.
Sometimes, I miss the feeling of having a crush. Maybe I'll cross by one again soon.
you know what?
you're my dumbass (okay, insanely smart and occasionally, pretty-much-all-the-time funny and yeah, fine, kinda cute even when i'm not squinting) friend. and maybe, possibly, improbably, a really close one.
all our friends tease us about something we, or at least you, will never feel for the other. and i thought if i was ever faced with a situation like this, i would fight. i would struggle just to be noticed in that way.
but no, no. no. you are one of the best things, best people, best lights in my life. and as long as i get to be your friend and watch you grow, i'm happy.
you're gonna make someone really, really happy someday. i hope i get to see it, because you deserve that kind of boundless happiness too.
I JUST HAD MY FIRST KISS BUT MY DUMBASS TILTED MY HEAD THE WRONG WAY BC I WAS CONFUSED AS TO WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND NOW I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT BC HE FEELS BAD BC HE THINKS I WAS UNCOMFORTBALE FML HAHAHAHAHA
i am too afraid and shy to admit to you myself how much i really like you but i do hope you know how much you mean to me.
you're far greater than you think and it pains me to see you doubting yourself. you're an amazing singer and person and that's why i cant seem to get enough of you.
im sorry for being torpe
i have so much love to give but i'm scared that i'm inherently unlovable
maybe the reason i throw myself into giving presents & throwing parties is because no one will ever do the same for me and i don't want anyone to feel the same way i do during christmas time, the little selfish sadness at the bottom of my gut telling me that i'll be alone and unloved
So today the sun was hitting your face perfectly. I low key started staring at you. Then, you ran your hands through your hair. I LOST IT...i swear I couldn't will my eyes to look away, i was frozen. Please dont do that again, you may kill me.
The funny thing is, I get nervous about seeing you. But when I'm with you, I'm not nervous at all. You're one of the few people in this world I am totally comfortable with being myself. You're my human.