a year ago, i was heartbroken over you. completely shattered, thinking that there was no way that i'd ever get over you.

today, i talked to you at dinner for three hours, and not even a hint of awkwardness or a twinge of feelings appeared.

things get better.

I told myself I was over you but I still see you in the rain

i see you in every smile of every person

i see you in the sky

in the moon

so if i'm so over you

why

are you

so

present

The sunlight shone through my bedroom window, causing me to wake up. I opened my eyes, and I looked to my left to see you sleeping next to me. It wasn't long until you opened your eyes and we made eye contact.

"Good morning," I whispered.

And for the first time, I heard you whisper back what you've always been texting me.

"Good morning beautiful."

Those three words were enough to make me tear up with happiness.

you’re still as wonderful as i remember

I've written tons of letters throughout the years. They were always about boys who I desperately wanted but never needed. I thought that if they wanted me back I would be okay - if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't think about the part of me that was missing. But no matter how many letters I wrote and boys I pined after, the feeling that something was wrong never went away. For years I tried to ignore that feeling, but eventually grew tired of constantly lying both to myself and to the world. Today, for the first time ever, I wrote a letter about a girl, and nothing has ever felt more right.

dear reader, may the pain be replaced with peace.

If you still see your crush in flesh and blood, go up to them and say hi. It doesn’t matter if you get rejected, at least you’ll know you tried. Say anything, do anything, smile back at them, give them some gum, ask for a pencil... anything, this is your sign. Please, you don’t want to stay awake at night for 2 years asking yourself “Why didn’t you do anything?” Make a choice before the universe does it for you.

I just want to do life with you. I want to go grocery shopping and watch absurd movies and make comments about annoying commercials with you. I want to lay out under the stars, dreaming of endless possibilities, with you. I like that we are taking things slow. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep. I like your warm smile and kind eyes. I just want to be with you every moment. I don't want to be too hopeful, but you give me hope and I want you to be in my life.

I stole a plastic dinosaur from the party we went to the first night you ever kissed me & I know it's ridiculous but I'm never getting rid of it

Dear Future Me,

I am a mess right now. Not because of anyone else but because I did it. I shut everyone out, I isolated myself, I became depressed, I made bad choices, and I hit rock bottom. Today I start to climb.

I hope that by the time I become you, the battles are won and the scars have all faded to nothingness. I hope we let someone in and learn to live happily. I will fight hard now so you can be free later.

I am writing this to remind you how far you have come. Whenever you feel discouraged, look back remember me. Remember the day when we had enough and keep fighting. This is a war we can win if we do it together.

With Hope

You, 2018