I like to stare at her.
She always looks perfect. Without even trying, she is the most beautiful girl I've laid eyes on. I have been caught staring many, many times. Most of the time, she looks back, blushes, and turns away.
Today, she looked over and smiled at me. I smiled back.
R.I.P to an occasionally thrilling, mostly painful crush.
April 2014-July 2015
I can finally say it's over.
i love volunteering at the local retirement home.
i went today, and i asked a retired schoolteacher what was the most important thing she had learned in life.
she responded with,
"how to love and to be loved. but you can't just be a giver of love, you have to be able to receive it too. there is no such thing as true one way love."
she's been with her high school boyfriend whom she met since she was thirteen up until now. (she compared him to kevin costner, but said if she ever met a denzel washington lookalike she would stop settling for costner and go for washington)
i love hearing people's stories. i love talking to adults and the elderly and just people who have quite a few years on me because of how much more experiences they have, how their different lifestyles growing up have affected them and have given them such a unique perspective. it's much easier for me to talk to them than it is to talk to teenagers and my own peers in my age group because we can be so closed off about those things - we keep our personal experiences close to the vest. and so do adults, but they are more willing to give advice.
at least, that's my take on it. hmm.
i'm glad i decided to do this again during summer. i kind of want to get a job there too.
The day I write to my one true love will probably be the day one of my letters make the front page.
There are very few of us who have experienced the intricate transition of young, high school love to real life relationship. There are even fewer whose attempts have been successful.
It's hard to view ourselves objectively. Most people don't change overnight, it's a slow process that isn't evident while we're in it. For most this is not a problem, but when you are rooted in another person, they see every change reflected in your eyes and it is nearly impossible to stay in love because the person you love ceases to exist.
For some lucky few, the person they see born from the change is even more lovely than the person they once loved. They fall in love every day because every day they get to know someone new. They are more lucky than you can imagine.
And I'm happy for them, because it sure as hell didn't work out for me.
Sometimes I wonder what you think about me. But then I see all that you do for me, and then I know.
I love her. I love her so much that I have to let her go. It hurts, but it has to happen. You cannot force something that is never going to be there, and I need to learn and practice that.