tonight I layed on my back staring at the ceiling fan and talked to my parents about what love is for a few hours. My mom drifted to sleep and my dad said quietly, "your mother is one of the most intelligent and amazing people I've ever met. Who knew she was a few miles away all along?"
you have always been a few miles away but it took a thousand coincidences to put us together. And now all I can think about is how you were sick and you fell asleep in my lap and I rubbed your back and held your head. I watched you get dressed the next morning and my heart was exploding, telling me to never let you go.
Love is a choice. It is waking up every morning and deciding to not let go. It is knowing you will get sick and holding someone through their fever anyway. It is a sore throat two days later and a smile in spite of it. Love is the most beautiful thing I've ever known and in a way it feels like none of my letters here have been about love until I started writing about you.
You know how you can fall in love with someone's potential? You see so much in them and know they'll do great things, and you just feel so proud and happy for them and admire them so much.
I'm falling in love with myself.
I have two opaque white spots on my two front teeth, which the dentist just says are natural things that happened while my teeth where forming when I was little. I can't really get rid of them, I can just whiten my teeth to try and make them less visible. I smile all the time, but they're a huge insecurity of mine.
The other day, my mom and I were talking and she asked what was on my teeth. I told her I've had them for forever, and she didn't believe it. My own mother, who sees my smile and talks with me almost every day, for years didn't notice one of the biggest insecurities I have about myself.
It made me realize, our insecurities that seem big to us might not even be noticed by other people. So don't get so caught up in them. Smile. Be confident. Have fun. Don't worry about what other people are thinking about it, because odds are they arent thinking about it at all.
"Be the person you want to meet."
It's been twenty long years and I still haven't met you. We have a lot of books to talk about, adventures to do, random singing and inside jokes to tell. I can't wait to meet you.
....you ever feel like your entire life is just gonna be an endless vicious cycle of obsessing over random people?
please think about me. just once. so i can stop feeling like such an idiot for thinking about you all the damn time.